Tonight is the last night of September.
It is the last night of this month where we “Go Gold” to show how deeply and passionately, forever and always, we stand against childhood cancer. And in these last moments of the month, I want to highlight one last moment of going gold for those who are all too often overlooked.
This is not an afterthought, but a deliberate pause….an anchor at the end of September just as they themselves are all too often called to anchor the unexpected.
This is for the siblings of a child with cancer.
This is for the brothers and sisters who watched their family irrevocably change when their sibling got sick.
This is for the kids who had to try and wrap their minds around why Mom was at the hospital yet again …why Dad was working more. …why they both were often so stressed.
This is for all the times that their plans got canceled and for all the times their birthdays looked different.
This is for all the times they silently watched their sibling get all the attention because their sibling needed it to survive.
And here’s the part nobody talks about nearly enough…
At even the youngest of ages, they understood. And it hurt them too.
They have had to learn the strange balance of loving their sibling and still missing the life they had before cancer.
They have had had to learn how to handle being scared every single time that hospital bag gets packed.
They have had to learn how to handle a trembling smile at every separation all while praying it will be the last for a while.
They say “I’m okay” because they want to mean it and they can see the worry on their parent’s faces.
But they’re kids and it shouldn’t have to be this way.
We watched our own children live this alongside Chase.
We watched them worry about their brother and grow up with and around the reality of cancer.
We watched them adjust to a life that changed because of a diagnosis they never received.
And as their parent, the reality of watching this is hard to explain. Bearing witness to their forced maturity is heartbreaking.
Because when Chase was diagnosed with cancer, we did everything we could to keep him alive. Quite frankly, we didn’t have a choice.
But here’s the thing… the parental heart is always watching the other children and worrying for them. The parental heart is always wondering how much these precious siblings are silently carrying. And we are ever wanting (with every fiber of our beings) to change the narrative and knowing we can’t.
So today, in these last “Go Gold” moments, I want the siblings to know something. I want to write it out bold:
WE SEE YOU
Your feelings matter
Your childhood matters
Your fears matter
Your needs matter
You are not forgotten just because someone else is sick – even when it sometimes feels that way. And hey, you don’t have to be the “strong sibling” every second of every day. It’s okay. This is a lot.
Just know that when we “Go Gold” for the children fighting cancer, we are also going gold for you – for the brothers and sisters standing beside the bald heads.
Because the truth is that cancer strikes one child, but it changes all of them…profoundly … forever.
– MbM –
This is dedicated to Darcy, Aidan, and Karsten – you are brave with your beautiful souls, darlings, and I’m so thankful for you
[adapted with permission from the heart and writing of another sister cancer mama]
[note: almost all the photos appearing in this blog are courtesy of the amazing Margaret Henry]