On Contentment

From my husband Bob (also posted on his Brevis blog) ~

Christians struggle with contentment.  I struggle with contentment.  I’m ambitious, driven, and competitive by nature, so I struggle to take time off or slow down, and am always looking for something better.  When I miss a goal, I mope; when I start a project, I’m already looking on to the next thing that I want to do.  I hate to get stuck in a rut.  These tendencies have led me to think about contentment, and being satisfied in Christ alone.

What is contentment?  Is contentment the opposite of ambition?  Can someone be ambitious and be content at the same time? How are joy and contentment related?  Can you make it a goal to be more content?  How does one practice contentment?

Contentment Defined
Hebrews 13:5 says, “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have.”  It seems like there is a link between money and contentment.  And, when I say there’s a link, I mean a reverse correlation: the more money you have, the less content you are.

John MacArthur goes so far as to say that most Americans don’t experience contentment because we are a rich society:

“Most Christians don’t experience it, obviously, to the degree that God desires us to. We tend to be a very discontent people. And I have this sort of personal theory that the more you have the more discontent you become. If that is true, then this must be one of the most discontent societies in the history of the human race. We are called to contentment. We are called to be satisfied. We are called to say I have enough. Most of us don’t experience that. Paul did. Paul was a satisfied man. He was a contented man.”

Jeremiah Burroughs defines contentment this way: “Christian contentment is that sweet, inward, quiet, gracious frame of spirit, which freely submits to and delights in God’s wise and fatherly disposal in every condition.”

Sinclair Ferguson says that “contentment is the direct fruit of having no higher ambition than to belong to the Lord, at His disposal.”

The Opposite of Contentment
The opposite of contentment is covetousness.  When we desire something so much that we lose our contentment in God, we elevate that worldly object above God, and place it as an idol over him.  When we grumble to God that he hasn’t given us the perfect job, or the perfect family, we show ourselves to be discontent.

My study of contentment led me to a small study of covetousness.  In his sermon, “Battling the Unbelief of Covetousness,” John Piper states that “the opposite of covetousness is contentment in God.”

Have you ever found yourself wanting something other than what you have?  Have you looked at your neighbor’s house, and said to yourself, “Wouldn’t it be nice to have that house?”  Or, have you looked at your job and thought, “I really don’t like my job… if only I could be a _______, then I would be happy”?

Christians battle covetous thoughts every day, myself included.  There have been many times when I’ve thought that the grass might be greener on the other side of the causeway.  There have been times when I’ve gotten down on myself in each of the following things:

  • My job—could I be doing something that I enjoy more?
  • Living in a condo, instead of a house
  • Driving 10 year old cars, instead of 5 year old cars (or new cars)
  • My income
  • My kids (why on EARTH can’t they be well-behaved like the Bauer kids??)
  • My lifestyle
  • My physique (though there’s really nothing to complain about here… I’m pretty ripped J)
  • My wife

Practicing Contentment
The phrase “practicing contentment” seems a little bit ironic.  One can be discontent with their discontentedness, and then make a goal to practice being content more often.

Practically, how do Christians practice being content?  We live in the most discontent culture in the world, and we’re called to be content in the midst of it.  That’s kind of weird (see my past post about being Weird as Christians).  Here are a couple of lessons that I gleaned from different sources as I read about contentment (most of these summary points are from John MacArthur):

  1. Contentment begins with confidence in God’s providence – believe in God’s sovereign control.
  2. Contentment involves knowing your own heart.  John Ryle says, “Few know their own sin; few feel their desert; and so few are content with such things as they have. Humility, self-knowledge, a clear sight of our own utter vileness and corruption, these are the true roots of contentment.”
  3. Contentment has an element of satisfaction with little.
  4. Contentment is living independently from circumstances, not letting yourself be swayed by your circumstances.
  5. Contentment is being sustained by a divine power – you can be strengthened by the Holy Spirit to be more content.
  6. Contentment has an element of being concerned with the well-being of others.

May we all know contentment, and be able to echo Paul when he says in Philippians 4: “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

 

Pride and …what??

 

 

“Confession: I have read Pride and Prejudice about 200 times. I get lost in the language; words like thither… mischance… I’m always in agony over whether Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy are really going to get together. Read it, I know you’ll love it!”

Kathleen Kelly, You’ve Got Mail

 

Hi, my name is Ellie, and I love Jane Austen. All Jane Austen. Even her unfinished works. It’s true … and sad … and I am sure that they have a group somewhere for people like me [sound of my husband laughing hysterically], but that’s not the point of my thoughts today.

This last week, I was watching A&E’s Pride & Prejudice and was struck again by how good it is.   And how no other version can compare.  My apologies, Keira.

So, why should you watch A&E’s Pride & Prejudice and not the newest adaptation?

Here are my top five complaints about the film made in 2006:

  1. “The A&E version is 5 hours long and takes too much time out of life which is why the 2 hour version is so much better!”: If you’re going to take the time to invest in classic British literature, do it right! 5 hours, baby! Grabbing the newer version and saying you “get it” is like buying store-bought cookies or the woman who says she was in labor for 45 whole minutes. No pain, no gain. You CAN do this!
  2. Mr. Darcy’s aloof quality really stems from his shyness: Nice try, Mr. Matthew MacFadyen. Please try again. Mr. Darcy was proud and slightly prejudiced. We get a big, fat hint on this one in the title!
  3. Mr. Bennett was a farmer: Say what? At no point is this mentioned in the book, and in fact, in Elizabeth’s great and dramatic argument with Lady Catherine in regards to her parentage, she expresses that: “In marrying your nephew [Darcy] I should not consider myself as quitting that sphere. He is a gentleman; I am a gentleman’s daughter: so far we are equal.”  I’d love to know who thought up the farming idea.  Really.
  4. Mr. and Mrs. Bennett’s total want of propriety in some way stems from alcohol: Untrue. In fact, this is the cringing “I can’t look away from the train wreck!” aspect of the story.   Elizabeth’s parents are actually that embarrassing SOBER.
  5. Wickham is in some way misunderstood and isn’t as bad as you think: Oh, he is that bad. And probably worse. This was potentially the biggest omission of the new film –  the development of Mr. Wickham’s character. If the powers that be took the time to let the audience know about Wickham’s predilection for girls of 15 and their fortunes, you would not be left wondering at the distress of the family when Lydia runs away with him.

I could go on, but I’ll stop. … about Regency style and behavior, how Elizabeth wasn’t an early feminist interested in throwing off propriety, how there wasn’t an instant connection between Elizabeth and Darcy … stop it! [pulling myself together]

So, in case I haven’t mentioned it … go find the A&E version with Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle!  

Signed,

The Snob*

 

*who is neither a literary or movie critic

**my apologies for all the images … I just can’t help myself.  As a matter of fact, I don’t know that there are really enough … Okay, I’m done now.

March 5th, pt I

Far from being settled, I felt like the last weeks of my pregnancy seemed even more in a state of upheaval than the fall.

February had passed in a blur of family events and the settling of my grandma’s estate. There were now only a few weeks until the baby was to be born and I was still receiving phone calls and e-mails and having conversations in which it was becoming increasingly obvious that there were very few people around me who were at peace with unwed pregnancy in general and my unwed pregnancy in particular. Occasionally, speculation would reach me: “Where is she at spiritually? Does she understand what all this is about? Does she know how hard her life will be?” It was almost as if people needed a place to categorize me (repentant sinner, rebellious sinner, fallen, etc.) in order know how to process my life and know how to deal with me.

This was disconcerting at best.

Not just for me, but this especially plagued me for my unborn daughter. How would they treat her? When she was two and going through the “terrible twos,” would they say, “Oh, that’s so normal, every child goes through that”? Or would they say, “Oh, look at that child acting out! It’s clear she has a non-traditional family atmosphere and has no father-figure.” Would she always carry the weight of my bad decisions? This horrified me!

Yes, a little dramatic, I know, but I really thought about these things!

This was still being viewed a problem. My child was an ISSUE.

I believe that one of the most amazing aspects of pregnancy is the mother’s joy in the feeling of life. Sooner or later, no matter how difficult the stress surrounding a pregnancy, all women (or something like 99.875% of women) begin to enjoy and anticipate their child. However, any impending joy in the amazing feeling of life and my imminent motherhood was interpreted as some kind of disconnectedness from the seriousness of my situation and prospects. How long before it was appropriate for me to feel joy over my baby? Was it not possible to fully realize the gravity of my situation, the grace covering my sin, and still, STILL to feel joy at God’s gift of a child in the midst of it?

I remember one conversation with my mom in particular where I just sobbed to her, “When will my baby get to be a baby and not an issue? Will I ever be able to feel joy at her life?!”

How much time I wasted in worrying …

At the end of February, I met with Daryle (my senior pastor – I think I’ve mentioned him before) again. We talked through several things, and at the end of our time, he spoke of what he felt was the need for the church to hear my heart. He knew where I was, and my close friends knew where I was, but he and many with him felt like the church as a whole would greatly benefit from hearing where God had brought me.

This was not to be a public confession; it was about sharing the faithfulness of God in MY life and also beautiful moment of awareness for those around to support me in prayers and encouragement as I looked forward to raising this child. He said that from that point on (marking the time that I would be sharing), I would be able to look back and point to that day as a day of remembrance – I would look back and see the goodness of the Lord and could direct others to do the same. It would cease to be an issue, and start to be a baby over whom we could all feel great joy!

I remember that my mom and I looked at each other in speechless awe. We hadn’t told Daryle about our conversations.

Looking back, I’m still amazed at how God had all of us arriving at the same place from so many different directions.

If You’re Lucky, You Get a Phone Call

My mom’s voice on the other end of the phone was heavy with emotion and exhaustion. “It’s time. Your dad and I want each of you to talk to her tonight and say goodbye.”

Valentine’s Day …

My mom’s voice on the other end of the phone was heavy with emotion and exhaustion.   “It’s time. Your dad and I want each of you to talk to her tonight and say goodbye.”  

There was a sick feeling as the logic of her words hit my heart … How ridiculous!   I couldn’t say goodbye because Grandma wasn’t going to die.   She couldn’t!  She had been doing so much better, and she was so close–literally just a few weeks–from seeing her first great-grandchild!

I remember very little of my final conversation with my grandmother. She couldn’t speak at all, so it could hardly even be called a conversation. I spoke to her about the baby, and told her I loved her. I think I might have even talked to her about how soon the baby would be born.  As I consider it now, I wish I hadn’t done that.   I can’t imagine being in the final hours of your life and having someone else bring up some of the things you’ll miss in the near future.

Within 24 hours, she was gone.

Another loved one, another death, another moment when I pleaded for her to not go … but there was a vast difference this time. I wasn’t bitter or resentful. My heart, while sad, was ultimately peaceful because, rather than blaming God, I was trusting Him.

I would add only this in closing – if you have someone you should have talked to by now, a relationship you need to restore, a person you need to forgive, even someone you’ve been meaning to catch up with and you haven’t … do it. Do it today.  Because you’re almost never lucky enough to get a phone call.