Cancer – Page 12 – CHASE AWAY CANCER

Wait

As you sit at your computer, sit by your phone to read these words, we are waiting.

I hate waiting.

And yet, waiting is life and life is waiting. We wait for things to begin and wait for things to end. We wait in and for everything from the right person to marry to the right line in the grocery store. We curse it when it inconveniences us and bless it when it brings good news, but the one thing we can’t do is escape it. There is no express lane for the verdict of doctors. There is no easy button for life trials and ‘thorns in the flesh’.

Today, while we wait for Chase and maybe we hold our breath and say one more prayer as he drifts off to sleep, the truth is that Chase is one of many. How many people sit someplace waiting for life-changing news, life-stabilizing news?

Are you waiting?

Are you called to partner with someone who is waiting?

Today and always, we stand with you in the wait. You are not alone.

These things might be painful, but there is and will be beauty in them. There will be hope in them because God is good. And to this, we cling.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning. Psalm 130:5-6

Moment by moment.

Yes And Amen

This coming Monday morning, we will stand outside the MRI machine and wait on our unconscious, brave boy once again.

There is no such thing as an unimportant scan for kids like Chase, but this one really is important and different from the others in a new way because, if, (yes, Lord, please…)… yes, if Chase’s results are stable, this month will hold his last round of appointments with his current neuro-oncology team. If he’s stable, he’ll be moved to a different clinic at Lurie with different doctors and staff, better and more equipped to deal in the living with cancer instead of the dying with cancer. Does one “move on” from cancer? Ha. But one can certainly get to another level in the game.

Having this bittersweet moment in sight feels like a tempting of fate. And the changes come and go with the days, weeks, and months, but the whisper is always there, stronger in the weeks preceding a scan – especially a big one: “It might come back. This might be it…” That moment I’ve tried a million times to imagine and prepare my heart around — even when I know I can’t. And the pre-MRI days hold a desperate struggle, but it’s hard to pinpoint the source of the black mood wrestling.

Is it fear?

Is it a renewed in-your-face realization that we are disgustingly powerless in this life?

Is it anger at staring down my own weaknesses and learned lessons over again?

The answer is probably yes, yes, and more yes.

But you know what else is, are, and ever will be yes? …yes and amen?

THE PROMISES OF GOD.

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10

And yes, the worst may prove true on the scan, but there is someTHING…someONE who proves MORE TRUE.

Every word of God proves true.
He is a shield to all who come to him for protection. Proverbs 30:5

Bring it on.

Moment by moment.

Chase with his favorite hospital security officer, John

Why I Keep Writing A Cancer Blog

Right now, there are no known cancer cells in Chase’s body…

For the last year, this one good but crazy thought has rolled around in my head; nearly taunting me as I write. It wasn’t until the last, short and quiet hours of 2016, as I looked to the new year that I finally had the courage to whisper-soft, consciously acknowledge the question that has been almost too big to consider: Why keep writing about a cancer life when there are no cancer cells?

The essence, the seemingly most dramatic part of Chase’s story to date is already in writing, so why keep at it? …to what purpose? Who cares and who listens?

And by that last question, know that I don’t ask for general edification and kind feedback, but in genuine bewilderment: my boy, he carries a weight of rarity with him and because of all the 1-in-a-million type scenarios, we carry that weight too. And this weight; well, it leads to wondering where we fit into life. It leads to questioning how our story works into all the life stories around us – genuine, bewildered musing if, short of the ultimate redemption story and the end of time; there is a place for our words. Is there a belonging for this half life that is, in reality a full-and-a-half life? At times, making a big, written deal about all the ongoing feels like I’m trying to sculpt an emotional mountain out of side-effect-riddled mole hills. This is decimating…but not as decimating as a brain surgery or a death, so…

Oh yes, my days (and often nights) are filled with atypical happenings that can almost always be traced to either cancer or treatment damage, yet, everyone has atypical and difficult things in their lives. So, why write?

Then the answer came in the whisper-soft: cancer, side effects, hard days, painful seasons – all of it – when you strip away the specifics like mutant cells, broken bones, poverty, illness – all of it comes down to this: The unexpected. The unplanned. The unwanted.

Bobby and I used to joke about this during Chase’s treatment. We always said that one day, we’d write a book called “What To Expect When You’re Expecting The Unexpected” — possibly followed by a sure-bestseller: “What To Expect When You’re Expecting A Brain Tumor”. Super light and fun reading, for sure.

But it’s true, really. The hard things are often the unexpected ones – the “please take this cup from me, God” ones and somehow, I forgot (and will surely keep forgetting) that the ultimate fight is surrender and joy in the unexpected.

So, I will continue to keep a blog about cancer – or rather, a cancer life as it evolves. And I will continue on social media too. Because even though there aren’t operating rooms and oncology halls in our daily life right now, I desire to see God in the unexpected and our stories are not yet finished.

Moment by moment.

Because the best way to handle the unexpected is to have a strong guide who goes ahead of you…

Keep Running…

He contemplates a word he will never understand

Sunday, 31 July, 2016

Just before the sun rose on this day four long and quick years ago, the last unknown action of a growing brain tumor was finally known as my boy seized in the wooden crib of his baby years under the waning moon.

We should not have had even six months, and yet somehow, we’ve had four years.

They have been long and full of shadows and anger, but also precious with more joys than we deserve.

And as the shadows lengthen into longer life than we’d ever have dreamed, and we persist in this atypical life and it’s challenges, the words of Matt Papa have been close to my heart.

Lord I’m tired…

So tired from traveling

This straight and narrow is so much harder than I thought.

And on this path I’ve met both doubt and pain and I’ve heard their voices say ‘Yeah, you’ve given all you got.’

But there’s a cloud of witnesses – the ones who’ve run this race – and even louder than my fears, they’re crying: ‘Warrior, lift your face!

And keep running, keep running, don’t lose heart, and don’t you give up now.

Don’t turn around.

You’ve got to find a way somehow to keep reaching; keep fighting.

The pain cannot compare to the reward that will be yours; that waits in store for those who just keep running.’

Don’t turn aside…

No compromise…

Just lift your eyes to the glory that’s coming.

If you’re like me, you feel like you can’t go on, you’ll never see the dawn and you’re just about to break.

But don’t stop now.

Know that every sacrifice will all be worth the price when you finally see His face…

Just keep running…

Moment by moment.

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In Which Chase Goes Golfing

These days, it feels like we are waking up to bad and worse news every day in which coups and killings mix with hate and stealing. At times, even our words aren’t our own and too many are out to take advantage, so today, this week, I want to share something amazing with you.

These pictures represent a whole day of GOOD.

Nope, more than that, actually: a day of WONDERFUL.
It was a day last week when people came together around a common cause and lovingly, sacrificially sought to make a difference in the lives around them.

People were stepping out of their comfort zones left and right and you know what was left on the course?

Love and laughter.

We started as strangers and became family.

And to what end?

Nearly a million dollars raised for Ann & Robert H. Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago.

So, check it, people…

No matter what’s in your newspaper, your in-box, or your social media feed today, there are a lot of amazing people out there quietly doing wonderful things all day, every day.

-MbM-