It is absolutely incredible to me that it’s been a whole year now since I stood in the hallway of the oncology floor with Chase’s doctor.
“Did anyone call you?” She paused. “The results of the MRI were great. His brain and spine are clear.”
“Yes,” I remember saying. “We met with neurosurgery right after the scan.” And I remember thinking: another year – we’ve bought ourselves another year with this news.
“There’s just one thing…” the doctor said, casual and calm in the hall. Because it wasn’t a big deal. It really wasn’t. “The MRI picked up something in his thyroid. It’s most likely just a nodule, but we will get you set up with endocrinology for some tests in the next few weeks.”
One whole year ago now.
Diagnosis.
Surgery.
Tests.
Relapse/growth.
And finally treatment.
What a year!
But now it’s is a new year, a new decade, and Chase is hopefully turning a new corner.
The radioactive iodine will be a present force in his body for weeks and months yet, so it’s very difficult to define exactly what his status is in this moment, because he actively has active cancer, but he passively, invisibly has active treatment too. I suppose the best way to describe the fight he is in right now is with the picture of a muted TV. The screen is still on and the watcher is still completely aware of it, but cannot follow the details of the game/movie/show because it is silent. That is Chase’s fight right now. He is in passive treatment; an active fighter, the battle on mute, but completely still occurring. The only way we will be able to have a view into the fight will be through ultrasounds every few months, and lab work every four weeks or so – an important part of maintaining his thyroid medication levels, and an early warning system for anything else growing.
And on that same subject, Chase’s last labs showed numbers that reflected his fight in other areas. He had to discontinue his growth hormone shots when he was diagnosed, and his most recent labs confirmed what has been suspected about his little body for years now – it does not have what it needs to sustain an endocrine system long-term. And that breaks my heart because he’s a broken body in a broken world and I’m sad for the struggles he faces along the way – even as he braves them again and again – but for now, these pieces are also treatable.
So, we will treat him and care for him with careful monitoring and daily injections – giving his body the best chance it has to thrive.
And none of it individually is hard or horrible, but altogether, it makes all of us a little weary because it’s the price of doing business as broken bodies in a broken world and our hearts long for the day of healing when we can see Jesus face-to-face and can be free of things like cancer and tears and poking with needles again and again.
And until then, we keep breathing because there will always be hope and purpose in the journey. Thank you for doing another year with us on this road.
Moment by moment
“God is always doing 10,000 things in your life, and you may be aware of three of them. … There is no power in the universe that can stop him from fulfilling his totally good plans for you.”
John Piper
“I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.”
Job 42:2